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Every passing year I gain more maturity and perspective on life.
Okay, so I blame this partly on the fact that I just had the week from hell. It was a great week, a productive week of rehearsals with my final-year class, but utterly draining and exhausting. I'm wiped out. I have to work at my other job tonight from five pm til MIDNIGHT. At which time I will turn into a pumpkin and forthwith be unable to issue DVDs to anyone. Maybe that was the cause.
Maybe it was because Tony took me out to breakfast this morning and I feasted on pretzel and poached egg and Nurnberger sausage and mushrooms and a large glass of mango juice, and although that might sound kind of a weird mix it is my favourite breakfast in the world. So I was feeling kind of generally in good spirits.
Maybe it is because the sun is shining and there are daffodils everywhere, all of a sudden. There is still snow on the hills but the end of the long bleak winter is in sight. Maybe THAT was the reason.
Anyway, I parked my car at the supermarket, and there, next to me, was a Hummer. A huge (is that tautological?) Hummer. Bright shining chrome, and shiny black. It's the first Hummer I've seen outside of CSI:Miami. Which I don't watch, because, ugh, David Caruso. Anyhoo. It seems a ridiculous car to have, particularly in Christchurch, particularly in New Zealand. It's unnecessarily large. It's unnecessarily gas-guzzling. It's an eyesore and a deliberate flipping-of-the-bird to the environment. It's a testament to "size matters" and "mine's bigger than yours."
This wasn't any old Hummer though. Meticulously restored, it had the registration plate "WARNIN" - with little words around the outside so the overall message was: 'General WARNIN- doesn't play well with others.' So manly and delightful. But wait... there was more. In the front windscreen was a sticker "USA: Terrorist Shooting Licence, 91101". WTF.
And was my mature, adult response to this car? This inanimate, really inoffensive, probably much loved, shiny example of automotive history?
I put a note under the windscreen wiper. Was it witty? Was it politically nuanced? Was it wise and zen? No.
It said: "STUPIDEST CAR EVER".
It felt more cathartic than it should have. I am officially lame. :-D
Maybe it was because Tony took me out to breakfast this morning and I feasted on pretzel and poached egg and Nurnberger sausage and mushrooms and a large glass of mango juice, and although that might sound kind of a weird mix it is my favourite breakfast in the world. So I was feeling kind of generally in good spirits.
Maybe it is because the sun is shining and there are daffodils everywhere, all of a sudden. There is still snow on the hills but the end of the long bleak winter is in sight. Maybe THAT was the reason.
Anyway, I parked my car at the supermarket, and there, next to me, was a Hummer. A huge (is that tautological?) Hummer. Bright shining chrome, and shiny black. It's the first Hummer I've seen outside of CSI:Miami. Which I don't watch, because, ugh, David Caruso. Anyhoo. It seems a ridiculous car to have, particularly in Christchurch, particularly in New Zealand. It's unnecessarily large. It's unnecessarily gas-guzzling. It's an eyesore and a deliberate flipping-of-the-bird to the environment. It's a testament to "size matters" and "mine's bigger than yours."
This wasn't any old Hummer though. Meticulously restored, it had the registration plate "WARNIN" - with little words around the outside so the overall message was: 'General WARNIN- doesn't play well with others.' So manly and delightful. But wait... there was more. In the front windscreen was a sticker "USA: Terrorist Shooting Licence, 91101". WTF.
And was my mature, adult response to this car? This inanimate, really inoffensive, probably much loved, shiny example of automotive history?
I put a note under the windscreen wiper. Was it witty? Was it politically nuanced? Was it wise and zen? No.
It said: "STUPIDEST CAR EVER".
It felt more cathartic than it should have. I am officially lame. :-D
I'm slightly worried in retrospect about the whole note-writing-response phenomenon. Because I suspect I might be turning into an eccentric old lady. Gradually, I'm not so old yet. But, inevitably. Slowly but surely.
*goes out and buys seventeen cats*
Perfectly to the point.
jesusfuck I hate Hummers. It's actually a toss up between them and David bloody Caruso for reasons I CANNOT watch Miami though I am in all other ways a total CSI junkie.
though truthfully, the actual stupidest car ever has got to be the stretch limo hummer. though... the license plate and 'shootin license' may take yours over the edge.
*smishes*
I love CSI with a passion. Seriously, it was my first full-on absorbing fandom, and even though it's not quite so compelling any more, the Vegas crew will always have my heart. But Miami just... has never been able to do it for me. David Caruso is kind of amusing in a OMG-THE-POSING kind of way, but I can't relate to his character whatsoever. And he's just heinous and gross and when he's all "I'll save you, little girl" it makes me want to arrest him and lock him away for many years. But that's just me :D
*smishes back*
high fives all around. yesssss.
Mind you... I just terrorised his car. He'd probably shoot me as soon as look at me. :D
But there's no reason to own a Hummer in NZ, is there? Especially in Christchurch, and this part of ChCh where the roads are kind of slim even for regular cars.
I saw one in the main street of Stratford a while ago. My first thought? 'Dude, you must have a TINY dick.'
Edited at 2008-09-07 06:23 am (UTC)
LMAOoooooo!!
You shouldn't enable me in my bad behaviour. Who knows what's next??? *anxious*
I don't think I would have done it if I wasn't so tired and mental though. But oh well :D :D :D
It said: "STUPIDEST CAR EVER".
You are OFFICIALLY AWESOME. Stupid teenagers rent STRETCH Hummers here for their formals and shit. I was behind one the other day on the way to a client meeting. You should have seen the snorting and eye rolling! *g*
I really think I'm turning a little eccentric, though. One day it's notes under windshields, the next it's waving fists at teenagers to get off my lawn, dashmannit. :D
I wish I knew who did it...
Word. And ugh to the blond forensics person who delivers her lines in such a way that it's clear she's not smart enough to actually hold that job.
It's an eyesore and a deliberate flipping-of-the-bird to the environment.
Not just in New Zealand.
That vehicle says, "I deserve more of the earth's resources than you do" - whether the resources be gas, parking spaces, or how much room you take up in a traffic lane.
It said: "STUPIDEST CAR EVER".
It was TRUTHINESS. And that's all you need. :D
TRUTHINESS FTW!
You see, I can imagine some contexts where a Hummer could be necessary... ie to tote around David Caruso's enormous ego. But here, the roads aren't even that big. There's only a couple of roads in the entire city that have more than two lanes. It's just... immensely stupid. :D :D :D
Random question for you... is "hummer" a euphemism for blow-job in the States? It is here.
Haha! I don't think they ever like wearing anything. All I have to do is put the tiny antlers on one of them at Christmas, and I get the "Whyyyyyy?" face right back at me.
to tote around David Caruso's enormous ego.
Ahahahahaha! I still remember the "I'm too handsome and talented for television. I'm going to be a movie star" incident. Those delusions finally came home to roost for him, I think.
is "hummer" a euphemism for blow-job in the States? It is here.
Sometimes, but not often. I don't actually discuss blowjobs out loud with anyone (I have issues with the terminology, and only slash gets me past it), so I only know what I read online! But that's not a commonly used term, from what I've seen. It's a particular technique, but not a generic description.
Kind of like the pudding vs. dessert thing, perhaps. ;)
It's really scary when the HP of the car is way higher than the IQ of the driver, y/y?
Here a few useful notes for future encounters:
"Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere."
"Try not to let your mind wander. It's too small and fragile to be out by itself."
"Too many freaks, not enough circuses."
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"Learn from your parents mistakes - use birth control!"
as well as ideas for the bumper sticker to put on the car in question:
</i>"I'm not completely worthless. I can be used as a bad example."
"I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing."
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."</i>
And.... your icon also made me smile. That's wicked.
Awesome... and a bit odd, I think. In retrospect, I'm thinking... really, now. Was that really necessary/charitable/empathetic/neighbou
PS. I don't want the warnings for the J2 AU. But since you posted it, I'm thinking... oh no. Please don't kill my suave laughing Jared and focused serious hot Jensen. But, then I thought. C'mon. When have you EVER written anything that I didn't totally adore? I trust you to kill them only if they need killing. :-D
I'm worried now that this is just the beginning and I'm going to turn into the kind of person who writes letters to the editor every second day and chastises youths on the street for wearing their shirts hanging out. Hee.
And HEE that note.
MMMMMMmmm I could eat it again right now. *is almost pathologically greedy*
It said: "STUPIDEST CAR EVER".
/♥s you/
Trust me, whoever drives that car? Nuance and wisdom would be lost on them. ;-)
PS. Go Obama! He's the candidate the high majority of NZers would vote for given the chance... mind you, we were very pro Kerry also but it didn't help, sadly. I had a John Kerry wallpaper on my computer for months. This time, though, I'm very hopeful. The WORLD is hopeful, I think. :D
I put a note under the windscreen wiper. Was it witty? Was it politically nuanced? Was it wise and zen? No.
It said: "STUPIDEST CAR EVER".
Don't blame yourself, you were just talking to them at their obvious level. *nods*
This? What you did with the car? Is AWESOME! YOU ARE OFFICIALLY AWESOME! \o/